A Guide to SPFs, From 4 to 233

The development of SPF 100+ sunscreen has led to confusion for some consumers—or at least that's Zev Borow's excuse for a tongue-in-cheek guide to the wide world of sun protection, in the New Yorker:

• SPF 4: “You’re joking, right? This is some kind of joke? 4? We make this stuff for armadillos.”
• SPF 12: “Bonus: Comes with an ‘I AM, OR ONE DAY WILL BE, A DANGEROUSLY NEGLECTFUL PARENT’ visor.”

• SPF 100: “This is to SPF 99 and below as excellent heroin is to Capri Sun juice boxes.”
• SPF 125: “Remember the first time you were allowed into an airport first-class lounge? Or experienced oral sex? Add using SPF 125 sunscreen to the list of experiences that you will never forget.”
• SPF 150: “Actually repels the fear and anxiety and vulnerability and paralyzing paralysis that affects so many of us each and every time we walk outside during daylight hours.” 
• SPF 175: “Ever wanted to have unprotected sex with a prostitute in Haiti? Don’t answer. Doesn’t matter. The point is with SPF 175 that’s now an option.”
• SPF 233: “Is not inexpensive. But, in the war against the evil that is the sun, can you put a price on freedom?”